The Rise & Fall Of Our Nespresso Machine (Or The Continued Search For A Decent Cup Of Coffee At Home)


Sorry about the long title….it’s just that it is a long and painful search. We put so much hope (and bloody money) into the Nespresso machine and its overpriced coffee in pods, or should I say over priced pods containing coffee. We bought the Nespresso eight months ago, we had it delivered all shiny and new and bright orange, we were so excited. Yes I know, we are sad gits but we are coffee afficionados and we want that ‘proper coffee taste’ that just seems so elusive…. 

No 1 The Over Priced Siemens Bit of Shit
Cost £850.00  Coffee Quality **

It all started eight years ago when we had our old kitchen knocked out and a new and modern one fitted. My coffee loving husband gaily suggested we have one of those coffee machines fitted into the cupboard. Looked fantastic, very impressive and at the time very cutting edge…..hmmmm eight years later, £850.00 down (slaps self round face – were you mad woman?) and the sodding water doesn’t heat up hot enough and the thing has gone into a massive sulk. And its too expensive to have it repaired, so it sits there doing bloody nothing.

No 2 Cafetière &  Bean Grinding Machine
Cost £30.00 Coffee Quality ***

Having thrown a hissy fit at the waste of money spent on the ‘Bit of Shit’ Siemens Machine and the quality of the coffee, and money somewhat tight in 2011, we bought a cafetière and a bean grinding machine (deLonghi, and it still works perfectly). Getting there, was promising. The beans smelled wonderful after grinding, just made my mouth water but once put into the cafetière and boiling water  put on top….the magic had disappeared….OH NO, all I want is a great cup of coffee….am I asking too much? : )

I might point out at this time that my husband watched the fabulous Bucket List film and having seen Jack Nicholson’s character’s coffee machine (you know, the one in that case thingy) and the ouchingly expensive Kopi Luwak coffee, he had a dangerous gleam in his eye. Well, I’m a kind of down-to-earth-woman (yes I know, I spent £850 on the first machine -shut up!) my reaction was somewhat explosive “If you think I’m drinking coffee that has the digestive juices of a Civet as part of its ingredients, then you have another thing coming”. Deep sulk and silences for a week or so.

No 3 Magimix Nespresso Machine
Cost £130.00 Pods £don’t ask Coffee Quality ******

Great coffee….near ecstacy trying out the different pods. Pods way too expensive, and what is it with the way George Clooney says “Voluddo” in that seriously annoying advert. Grrrrr Bye bye  I’ve put our Nespresso machine on eBay…….hope some fool buys it. Sorry I mean I hope some lovely person buys and enjoys it.

No 4 Jack Stonehouse (who?) Espresso Machine
Cost £59.99 Coffee Quality ********

I don’t know who the hell Jack Stonehouse is but his Espresso machine is pretty good (and cheap, yippee) Too soon to go crazy over it, too soon to moan about it. We only had it delivered this morning but what it does to Starbucks’ Verona Coffee beans is singularly toothsome. And its got one of those thingys that froth milk – too bad I’m a black coffee only type of person….hopefully this is the boy, hopefully it won’t let us down, well if it does I have my eye on one of those Gaggia machines!


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